Not Hiraishin
by Echoing Mist
Summary: It was a sunny morning, with an azure blue sky. Small, wispy clouds dotted the sky. At the small patch of earth named training ground seven, five people were gathered. Of these five people, one was the Hokage, one was the Kazekage, one was Konoha's Chief Medical Officer, another was captain of the ANBU Black Ops, and the last one was a porn-reading Jonin. Timetravel. Crack!Fic.


**Disclaimer:** Why, yes, I own Naruto…Not really.

**Author's Note:** Because Naruto's an ongoing (but quickly ending) series, I'm pretty sure this story is going to turn A.U. soon…however, I guess there's nothing I can do about that...

**A Year After the Fourth Shinobi War. **

All was well. The war was over. The creepy rabbit lady had been sealed away. The shinobi villages had finally achieved peace, and things settled down quite a little. All of our favorite (or not-so-favorite) shinobi got on with their lives.

For example, Sasuke FINALLY agreed to go to Naruto's therapy class, and came out a star student. Obito (who also joined Naruto's Thearpy Class) and Kakashi hung out together all the time, even though both of them denied being friends. Naruto became the kinda-jinchuuriki of the nine tailed beasts, with bijuu randomly wandering in and out of his mindscape. Kurama liked to stay there, though, and whenever Naruto went somewhere interesting, all his siblings would follow. Sakura got even better at medical ninjutsu, until the point where she could heal injuries without ever forming a seal.

Kakashi became the Rokudaime, but the very first thing he did was to anoint Naruto as the Rokudaime instead. Everyone was happy about the switch, as all Kakashi did was sit around and read porn.

Yeah. Things were pretty great…

**Kazekage's Office, Suna.**

"Gaara! Guess what!"

The red-haired Kazekage faceplanted into his desk, as the Rokudaime Hokage pulled a dramatic 'Dynamic Entry' through his window. That was the 6th broken window this week, for Kami's sake! '_I need to get rid of that wall. Whoever designed this place just HAD to make an entire wall out of glass and windows. Wonderful.'_

"What?" Gaara growled out, peeling the upper half of his face from his desk.

"It's a breakthrough! I've done it!" exclaimed the Rokudaime. "_FINALLY!"_

"Of _course _it's a breakthrough. You broke right through my window." Gaara asked sarcastically, lifting the rest of his face away from the desk. "Now, is your 'breakthrough' important enough to crash through yet _another _window?"

The blonde Hokage seemingly ignored the blatant sarcasm in the Kazekage's voice, and answered brightly. "Yep!"

Gaara did not look impressed. "What is it this time? Ramen that only takes two minutes and fifty-nine seconds to cook? The patent for your therapy jutsu? Tora's funerial?"

"Even better!" Beamed the orange-clad blonde. "Though I wish that damned cat would just _die already…" _

Gaara raised an eyebrow, curious despite himself. '_Something even better then ramen and Tora dying? This should be good.' _"Then what is it?"

Naruto stuck a tongue out, looking rather silly in his modified orange hokage robe/jumpsuit. "I'm not telling mean people like you!" He said childishly.

Gaara stared at him, unconvinced.

"Fine!"Naruto threw his hands up. "Be at Konoha training ground 7, at 8:00 AM the day after tomorrow." He then glanced at the clock on the wall. "Ahh! Gotta get going! Bye!"

"DYNAMIC EXIT!"

_CRASH!_

Gaara rubbed his temples tiredly. '_That's the seventh window this week…And insurance doesn't cover anything Uzumaki-related…What do I do?'_

-Line Break-

**Two Days Later, 8:00 AM, Training Ground 7, Konoha.**

It was a sunny morning, with an azure blue sky. Small, wispy clouds dotted the sky. At the small patch of earth named training ground seven, five people were gathered. Of these five people, one was the Hokage, one was the Kazekage, one was Konoha's Chief Medical Officer, another was captain of the ANBU Black Ops, and the last one was a porn-reading Jonin.

"So, Naruto, what was it that you wanted to show us so badly?" Kakashi (the porn-reading Jonin) asked lazily.

Every single one of the shinobi were looking at Naruto expectantly.

Naruto cleared his throat theatrically. "Ladies and gentlemen, "

"Oh, get on with it already!" Sakura said, bonking him on the head.

"Okay, okay!" Naruto muttered, nursing the comical bump that had appeared on his head. "Jeez. Anyways!"

Naruto suddenly held up two fingers, one on each hand. He then spaced his hands about a foot apart. "Let's say this is point one." He wiggled the index finger on his right hand. "And this is point two." He wiggled the index finger on his left hand. "Now, what's the quickest way to get from point one to point two?"

_Bonk!_

Naruto winced as a second bump magically appeared on his head. Sakura looked at him threateningly. "You dragged us all here to ask us that _one question?_ Are you joking?"

"Let him talk." Sasuke said.

Naruto shot him a grateful look.

"But it better be good, or I'll strangle him myself." Sasuke then faded into the background until the only thing that could be seen were two glowing red eyes, something he had learned in ANBU.

Naruto did not look grateful anymore. "Hey! Don't they have a rule against ANBU commanders killing their Hokage? Right? Right?!"

He was only met with an empty, awkward silence.

"Okay," Naruto muttered, "I can't believe we don't have a law like that."

"Hurry up." Sasuke said.

Naruto pouted, but then brightened up. He once again put fourth his two index fingers, hands a foot apart. "So, anyways! What's the quickest way to get from point one to point two?"

Kakashi analyzed the two fingers that Naruto was holding up. "In a straight line…is what I'd usually say. But I have a feeling that's not it."

Sakura tilted her head slightly, as if musing on Naruto's question. Then her eyes suddenly brightened with understanding. "Oh! So _that's _it!"

Naruto nodded furiously and moved his index fingers until they were overlapping, then touching. "You have to connect the points, dattebayo!"

Sasuke frowned slightly. "Connect?"

Naruto nodded even harder. "You seal the points, and link them together!"

Kakashi's eyes widened, as an old memory surfaced. "Hiraishin…" He muttered.

Naruto shook his head. "Not Hiraishin. I've made an even better seal, thanks to Kurama. He learned a lot of things after he got back together with his other half. I mean, he did practically nothing but talk with my dad the whole time!"

**"Shut up, kit. You try being dead for 17 years stuck together with only the guy that killed you for company," **Kurama growled. Naruto blew him a mental raspberry.

Gaara shook his head, amazed. "A seal better than the Hiraishin…that is indeed better than instant ramen. What does it do?"

"I wasn't thinking right when I said that! _NOTHING_ is better than ramen!" Naruto protested loudly. "And it's just a prototype," he explained, "but it's supposed to work kind of like a summoning contract, and should be able to transport us anywhere in the world. When this is done, we'll be able to call on each other for help instantly."

"Though I can't think of a single person who would attack five of the strongest ninja in the world." Kakashi remarked dryly.

"But to think of the possibilities…" Gaara muttered.

"Why did you call us here though, Naruto?" Sakura asked.

Naruto took out a medium sized scroll from his Hokage jumpsuit and unrolled it. The instant it was partially opened, a large _poof! _of smoke erupted. When the smoke cleared, the scroll was nowhere to be seen, and the training ground was covered by an intricate pattern of seals. "I wanted to test the prototype with different types of chakra, since the seal needs your chakra signature for you to use it. But it takes a TON of chakra for initial activation. I'm sure we'll be fine though. We all have large reserves."

Sasuke turned to Naruto. "What do we do then?"

"Here." Naruto walked to the center of the sealing array, and then squatted down. "Just touch your hand to the center, and give it some chakra."

Sakura thought for a while, and then asked, "So, if we insert chakra into it, it's like signing a summoning contract?"

"Yep."

Kakashi shrugged nonchalantly. "Might as well. Sounds handy."

Garra nodded.

"Hn." Sasuke approved.

Sakura looked like she was considering something and then uttered an "All right."

Naruto beamed.

Everyone walked over, kneeled down and touched their fingers to the middle of the seal.

"Ready?" The blonde jinchuuriki asked. The shinobi nodded.

"Okay, just put in your chakra when I say so…..Now!" Naruto instructed.

A sudden pulse of chakra exploded from the center. The pulse grew more and more intense, as the five ninja pushed more chakra into the seal.

"That should be enough, guys." Naruto said, still continuing to pour in chakra. "I can take over now."

Sakura's face tightened into a look of concentration. "I'm trying! But the chakra flow won't stop!"

"Same here," Sasuke grunted.

Gaara and Kakashi had the same look of concentration on their face, but neither of them seemed to be able to remove their hands from the sealing matrix.

The seal started pulling larger and larger amounts of chakra, and some of the shinobi were starting to look tired. The symbols lighted up, and started to turn gold. A whirring, pulsing sound echoed through the air.

Naruto looked worried, and glanced wildly around the sealing matrix. "There!" Across the center of the matrix, a symbol was smudged, just enough to make it resemble another similar shape.

Naruto's eyes widened.

The whirring and pulsing became louder and louder. The golden light streamed from the seal, as bright as the sun. There was a massive pressure, increasing every second. Hurricane-level winds started to blow, circling the glowing matrix.

"IT'S NOT SPACE!" Naruto shouted over the deafening wind. "IT DOESN'T SAY SPACE! THE SYMBOL SA-

The wind howled, tearing the word's from Naruto's mouth.

"IT SAYS-

The sky above the five shinobi suddenly twisted, and there was a feeling of emptiness…

And the emptiness faded away, was slowly replaced with numbness…then…

.

.

.

Absolute darkness.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong> Hey there, reader! This is my first Timetravel FanFiction, please don't bash :)

Anyways, I just wanted to ask your extremely needed advice: What time period should they land in? I already have something in my head, but it's not quite concrete yet...Ahh...so many possibilities! It would be fun to do all of them, but I simply don't have the time. I plan on them landing slightly before Team 7's graduation, but suggestions are absolutely welcome!

Please review, and feel free to unload the contents of your imagination in it! I snap up reviews like the cookie monster snaps up cookies - even though I like brownies better...


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